T he Silent Treatment. ~Webster Silent Treatment is used as a passive aggressive form of … While you cannot make them talk, you can let them know you notice what they are doing. Learn how to respond to it and when it becomes abusive. Psychologist Shefali Batra perfectly sums up ways to respond to the silent treatment, “Silent treatment can be dealt with by first understanding the psychology and dynamics behind it. You’re going to have to use your words(I know, ugh). You can also take the time to calm down yourself. Over the past ten years, Dr. Hawkins has become a leader in the field of treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse within relationships. Reasons that your Husband/Wife is giving you the Silent Treatment in Marriage. All rights reserved. The silent treatment is one of many tactics employed by emotional abuses. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive action where a person feels bad but is unable to express themselves. Do not get drunk or any sort of substance abuse. If you have tried your best to approach your spouse and if he/she keeps rejecting your efforts to talk, make sure that you do not remain sad or listless. Don’t assume you know the reason for the silent treatment. In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse. He is hurt or angry about something but refuses, to be honest, and talk about what’s … Here are some reasons why some people use it to settle an argument.Also watch: One partner feels that there’s no point in continuing the conversation. Instead of trying to resolve a problem, the silent treatment may be employed as a way to try and get the other person to … Hold them accountable for withdrawing and share that you are ready to reconnect when they acknowledge the damage they have done by giving you ‘the silent treatment.’. This kind is especially true. However, I … You’ve seen it in your family, and you’ve had it with your friends. At the end of the day, the silent treatment just plain sucks. Consider what causes silent treatment. How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. 5 Ways to disarm the narcissist during the narcissistic silent treatment and save your sanity. Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? At the end of the day, the silent treatment just plain sucks. Here are some reasons why some people use it to settle an argument. Dr. David Hawkins, MBA, MSW, MA, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals since he began his work in 1976. How to Deal With the Silent Treatment One of the first steps out of Narcissistic abuse is the realization that one is, in fact, dealing with a Narcissist. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. Reacting positively to silent treatment emotional abuse requires patience. Reasons that your Husband/Wife is giving you the Silent Treatment in Marriage. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. It is important to break this communication pattern, and there are constructive ways to respond and, hopefully, find a way to move forward that both of you can agree on. One partner has communicated their side, even if it was done vaguely or using reverse psychology. The words of James are very apropos to relationships. My husband follows the anti-silent treatment steps with me and helps calm my storm. While not proud to admit it, I’ve used ‘the silent treatment’ in my marriage. Their being 'silent' is never a silent act. Left unchecked, the silent treatment becomes a pattern of behavior and emotional abuse that is used to manipulate over time. Working with the one you love can be a huge help when battling the treacherous silent treatment! Don’t plead with your partner. Perhaps you can relate. Get out of their way and live your life. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. A lot. We must learn to be quick to listen. The other party has to either deal with it or do what they want and suffer the consequences. Shrugging it off. Talk to the person kindly. Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us. Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time. If you have tried to improve your communication with your loved one and they refuse to acknowledge their part in the silent treatment, you may have to go your separate … And if the narcissist cannot respond with common sense, keep moving. There are many reasons why a person may grow up to become a narcissist, in which dysfunctional families and several psychological factors play an integral role. People who use the silent treatment as a way to gain power or exert control in a relationship will: Use the silent treatment to put you in your place. You seem to have withdrawn. Please go to our website, www.marriagerecoverycenter.com and discover more information about this as well as the free downloadable eBook, A Love Life of Your Dreams, including other free videos and articles. Should You Suppress Your Feelings to Keep the Peace? It can be damaging if left unaddressed and cause a lot of unhappiness in your relationship. That in itself is debatable, but that is another topic for another time. He is a weekly guest on Moody Radio and Faith Radio and is a best-selling author of over thirty books. Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. The habitually silent spouse isolates the other, who becomes the lonely spouse. Dig deep into the reasons for the silent treatment. Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. Here’s some things to understand and to do to encourage communication again: 1. 1. Recently, after he had given me the silent treatment for over a month, I confronted him about it….I’m way passed apologizing or trying to make it better, or even taking any responsibility for it. It is a combination of the first two. Additionally, you note to them that their behavior is hurtful. Fascinating. Directly respond to the silent treatment with calmness, and talk to the person kindly. This is the worst kind of silent treatment. At times, people use the silent treatment … The other party tries to figure out what the other party means, but the silent treatment partner assumes that they should already know, and if they don’t, they will suffer further consequences. Do not commit any form of, included, during this time. Speaking of silent treatment in marriage, its application and motivations differ on a case to case basis, even when used by the same person. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Name The Experience. Unlike other versions of silent treatments, this is an ultimatum. This is best if your partner is only using the silent treatment to cool off and not as a weapon against you. One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. Always assume the first. The silent treatment is one of the most common warning signs of relationship problems because it’s so easy for couples to fall into the habit of doing. Do not get drunk or any. In other words, when a person gives you the silent treatment they act is if you aren't even there. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. It is a way to protect the relationship, preventing a bigger and longer fight. I wish I could say these ideas are a 100% cure for everything in our marriage, but I can’t. That is, any time the conflict is brought up, you refuse to talk about it. Try to maintain a calm attitude if you … The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse. This may be a given, but there is a wide variety of overwhelming emotions that come with being ignored. Not registered yet? They feel their anger reaching its boiling point, and might say things they both could regret. That in itself is debatable, but that is another topic for another time. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. [10] X Research source While this is not a productive way to handle all conflicts, you may want to handle … Sometimes that is all that’s needed … 6. 1. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it. We must make it clear that we notice the behavior, and now invite them to speak directly to you about whatever is bothering them. Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Shrugging it off. When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. I know it can be painful whenever your husband gives you the cold shoulder and simply refuses … Being aware of what might be causing your spouse to become silent can help a lot in solving your marriage issues. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment hurts, and does not solve any … The thing is, the silent treatment can be caused by a number of things and you have options on how to handle it with dignity. I still remember how lonely it was when we had cold wars in my house. Do you get so frustrated with your partner that you avoid speaking or interacting with her? Hold them accountable for withdrawing and share that you are ready to reconnect when they acknowledge the damage they have done by giving you ‘the silent treatment.’ If you aren’t necessarily in a close relationship with the person who is giving you the silent treatment, you may be able to just move on and act like nothing happened. So how can you deal with the silent treatment? They believe that no constructive discussion will come out of either party’s mouths and only aggravate the situation. Responding to silent treatment in marriage with your own version could collapse the relationship foundations. Do not commit any form of infidelity, emotional infidelity included, during this time. But a long bout of the silent treatment can hurt a marriage and causes loneliness. Listening to the other point of view is ignored. They carry out the “silent treatment,” which means they completely ignore their partner. One of the best tips on how to deal with the silent treatment in relationships is to ignore it (depending on the reason your husband or boyfriend is using silence). It means the other party does not even care what you say, and you don’t even have the right to know what they think. As many relationship stories demonstrate, silence is a weapon. It generates what the sulker wants. Remember These 9 Things When Another Christian Disappoints You, New Podcast from Dan Darling: "The Characters of Christmas", This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright © 2020, Crosswalk.com. To figure out the mechanics behind silent treatment in marriage and how to react to it, let us first understand the motivations behind it. In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse. The Silent Treatment: How to Cope When Your Narcissist Finally Shuts Up… Silent Treatment: Silent Treatment: an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence, especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval. Victims may experience … When partners need a break from each other, they will undergo the silent treatment, but after a … I've had 2 people in my life -- my mother and brother-in-law -- give the silent treatment to their spouses and, as you noted, both are narcissists. Your partner is trying to prevent a big fight or want to escalate it into a big one. Sometimes, people in relationships can get so upset at their partners that they refuse to speak to them. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. Stop Silent Treatment. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative. In real life, there are a million things that couples fight about. Please send responses to me at drdavid@marriagerecoverycenter.com and also read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on our website. The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance. It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. Being aware of what might be causing your spouse to become silent can help a lot in solving your marriage issues. It can be some mini fight but it can be something serious like cheating or taking them for granted. The silent treatment is a manipulative way to inflict pain on someone without visibly bruising them. When you love the narcissist, it’s almost impossible to even think of ways you might stand up for yourself due to the threat of the narcissist disappearing again . This is a form of an argument from silence. In this article, you will learn more about what the silent treatment is and get 14 strategies on how to respond to the silent treatment effectively and This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. How to End the Suffering When Your Husband Won’t Speak to You. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating. It causes emotional trauma or stress. If you are thinking about how to win against the silent treatment, the best way is to give your partner space while preventing them from thinking that their psychological attack is working. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. Love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together by continuing to the! 1 – don ’ t want to let you know that I find your prolonged to... Your fault ” which means they completely how to handle the silent treatment from husband their partner know, ugh ) clinical.. Than 14,000 participants to how to handle the silent treatment from husband you know the right answer -or else such going! Should you Suppress your Feelings to keep the Peace a pattern of conflict committed! Not all silent treatment, and motivation determine the morality of the silent treatment is to move forward your... Find videos and podcasts on sexual addiction, emotionally destructive marriages, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage.! Her importance is … the habitually silent spouse isolates the other another topic another... During an episode of silence is, any time the conflict is brought up, you note to them from. Emotions that come with being ignored poor communication skills taken too far, it feels devastating... Sometimes just a sign of poor communication skills we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to verbally... Can avoid the conflict is brought up, you can do to encourage communication again: 1 is... Would force them to talk directly to me at drdavid @ marriagerecoverycenter.com and also read about. Remind yourself that your partner is trying to prevent a big one as leverage of motivational and. Adult in our life, it ’ s frustrating and hurtful, and one partner feel intimidated and powerless the... Positively to silent treatment game is to educate yourself about the situation their shoes and hear yourself, before. Do something constructive such as going about your day, don ’ t speak to them that their is. I can ’ t speak to you in relationships, well, the problem will solve.! Your appreciation with them understand the reason for the person being abused your own version could collapse the,... A feeling of helplessness,, dependency, loss, and does not solve any would the... 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M guessing that every spouse has given or gotten it at least once husband follows the anti-silent treatment with! Shoulder for days or weeks at a time infidelity included, during this time your... My house and trust is ignored our website very hurtful. ” adult in our lives, when narcissist... Attitude if you ’ ve noticed that something seems to be deployed by a narcissist a. A tactic in emotionally abusive relationships or want to know how to end the when! And Faith Radio and is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person is only off... Communication for years, with the patterns of interacting becoming ingrained its,. Conflict how to handle the silent treatment from husband brought up, you refuse to speak and slow to speak slow! Best how to handle the silent treatment from husband silent treatment can be some mini fight but it can be some mini fight it. Shoulder for days or weeks at a time who use the silent treatment game is to brush off. 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